Constantly I think that my desire to build something “meaningful” blinds me to all the beautiful little things in the world.
This morning I lay on the warm floor and set my foot in the Airbnb pool I’m in. The clouds seemed to be in a hurry, because in the blink of an eye they were leaving, so I just stood there looking at, the moon and I. It was morning and the moon was still there, she must have enjoyed the rave all night and still mended the dawn. I laughed alone.
With daily over stimulation it seems that I have lost the ability to contemplate. To be interested in something that goes beyond myself.
I have my moments of lucidity, but they are getting more and more rare.
It’s almost like a seesaw, sometimes I see it all clear, I can feel life in the smallest detail and I appreciate it. In others I lose myself completely, especially when it involves work and personal projects that I consider important. At those times when I should seek the balance that I value so much, but I ignore it with all my might, as if Bolsonaro (Brazilian president) wanted to teach me a moral and civic education class.
And I don’t know, recently traveling through some crowded tourist spots, I feel that a lot of people are also leaving aside “contemplating”. We are looking at the world through the screen even when we are facing the most insane natural beauties on the planet.
But sometimes I also wonder if people ever really cared about contemplation. Who knows. I know that this is important to me and that I have done less than I would like. I am realizing the dream of traveling the world and it bothers me a lot to realize that I am more concerned about the future than enjoying the moment.
The party wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t call it the impostor syndrome. It was bad, and now the shit hit the fan. Because of the social media that I love so much … and hate so much, the neighbor’s grass has not only become multicolored, but also has unicorns grazing and is fertilized with Belgian chocolate.
I don’t know how to get away from this tornado that sucks our ability to admire simple things and the present. I think that’s why I decided to write, to increase my perception of the problem a little and try to change it.
They say that the first step is always the most important, let’s see 🙂